Category Archives: Trauma

Fresh Start

Posted on April 6, 2014 by sittingonthespectrum

I have decided to take down all of my earlier posts because lots has happened since I first started and I am in a very different place now. It is a more complex place but a better place I think. … Continue reading →

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Losing it

Posted on October 6, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

The thought of losing my job terrifies me. I can’t fucking bear that thought. I just don’t see myself getting another one like it or a situation nearly as good. I want to protect it at all costs. Ironically the … Continue reading →

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Protected: When it all came out

Posted on September 28, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Posted in Depression, family, mental health, peoplesuck, poetry, therapy, Trauma | Comments Off

I want you…

Posted on September 25, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

…to go away. That is what I feel you say. I want to know that when I need space you will hear me though I cannot make a sound. Now. Not now. Now and now again. Pick me up and … Continue reading →

Posted in ADHD, Depression, Goals, mental health, Trauma, work | Comments Off

Violence

Posted on September 23, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

Can we ever really understand what leads us to acts of violence? I suppose we can if we asked the right people and asked the right questions. I have been indulging in thoughts of violence. More the emotional and verbal … Continue reading →

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What happens next?

Posted on September 23, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

Danger is perceived. He doesn’t like me, he isn’t happy, I am not safe. Cortisol pumps out of my adrenals and sends shock waves up to the crown of my head and shivers down my spine. I sit haunched in … Continue reading →

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Birdies, Ritalin, and coffee…

Posted on September 9, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

Make everything better especially when administered by a loving husband.

Posted in Depression, drugs, husband, love, mental health, therapy, Trauma, Wellbeing | Comments Off

Darkness approaches

Posted on September 9, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

How is it that I can feel this darkness approaching and yet feel so powerless to stop it? I am so determined, pro-active and down right scrappy in most things in life but this darkness… It haunts me. It possesses … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, dreams, poetry, PTSD, Trauma, work | Comments Off

I should probably be happy

Posted on September 7, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

OK. I probably should be happy because I have got a job and a loving partner and feather-children and a creative life and clean water and it is a beautiful day and even though a fascist party is probably about … Continue reading →

Posted in ADHD, Depression, husband, love, mental health, Trauma, work | Comments Off

Dead relief

Posted on September 3, 2013 by sittingonthespectrum

How relieved will I actually be when I am dead? In those moments when it seems like the sweetest thing imaginable. Sweeter then clean sheets and a good podcast while wrapped around a body pillow in the dark. Sweeter than … Continue reading →

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