Dead relief

How relieved will I actually be when I am dead? In those moments when it seems like the sweetest thing imaginable. Sweeter then clean sheets and a good podcast while wrapped around a body pillow in the dark. Sweeter than soaking in a natural hot spring with my lover in a foreign country. Sweeter than deep fried carbohydrates when you are tired, hungry and sad.
What a huge disappointment it is going to be if it is just you and your shit forever and nothing to distract you from it. Like buying something you thought you wanted only to find out it fits wrong or the one you had before was actually better after all.
Fuck you death and your sirens call. I will make the best of it here for now thanks just the same. Ok it is painful but that is what pain killers are for. Fuck oblivion I will take my chances with distracting myself with a good book or some chocolate.
Right now I just want to kick back and see what happens next. And if that happens to be death well I guess I will get to find out what all the fuss is about sooner rather than later.